Proof
03/28/2011 at 8:38 am | Posted in PPD, pregnancy, Small Fry | 18 CommentsTags: baby on the way, Motherhood, postpartum depression, pregnancy, toddler
You. My sweet girl.
Sprawled on the floor, playing Lite Brite.
Running, jumping, squealing, digging in the dirt.
Carrying on secret conversations with Dora and Teddy.
Belly laughs, little arms wrapped around my neck, dirt under your fingernails. Wayward stickers dotting your clothes. Pockets full of rocks.
Your dad’s mouth and determination. My brown eyes and easy laugh.
Our first baby.
The embodiment of love. Faith.
Everything I need to know, to believe in, is standing right here in front of me.
I can do this again.
Because you are simply awesome.
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pretty*swell 
So beautiful.
I am petrified to do it again.
Worried that PPD/A will be back.
But I’m surviving.
Comment by Leighann— 03/28/2011 #
Your words ring so true. I’m definitely worried. And I’ve found that putting positive thoughts onto the screen helps make them real. 🙂
Comment by Suzanne— 03/28/2011 #
You will make it, even when you feel like you won’t.
I only had PPD with my first, and I know why I didn’t with the other 2:
I geared up for battle. I was lucky enough to have my 3 sisters each come and stay for 2 wks after the babies. Then my mother came, then my MIL.
All in all, that’s 10 weeks of company.
It’s the company that kept me sane.
By the time, they left, baby was 3 mos old: and smiling.
No longer such a mess.
I thank God for the scare of the first bout, so I knew how to prepare for the babies that came after.
HAVE HOPE: it’s what will pull you through.
Comment by Alexandra— 03/28/2011 #
Thank you for writing this! I’m inspired by your words. Just, thank you!
Comment by Suzanne— 03/28/2011 #
She is so amazingly beautiful, and so are your words!
Comment by becky— 03/28/2011 #
Thanks, Becky. It’s so nice to have you in my corner! (And to ignore the fact that I may walk around the building like a zombie, come August). 🙂
Comment by Suzanne— 03/28/2011 #
This is such a lovely letter to your daughter. She is going to be a wonderful big sister!
Comment by Mrs. MidAtlantic— 03/28/2011 #
Thank you! I think SF is going to love having a sibling. Although she wasn’t very happy today to watch me unpacking some of her old baby toys for the nursery. Suddenly, she missed everything (that’s been in the attic for months) and wanted it back. Going to be interesting, that’s for sure! 🙂
Comment by Suzanne— 03/28/2011 #
When my little brother (and then my little sister) was born, the little swaddled baby presented me with a present: a very special stuffed animal that I had wanted very much. It definitely took the sting out of getting a younger sibling!
Comment by Mrs. MidAtlantic— 03/28/2011 #
beautifully put.
Comment by Grace @ Arms Wide Open— 03/28/2011 #
Thanks, Grace. Your constant support really means a lot to me.
Comment by Suzanne— 03/28/2011 #
Agree – beautiful. I’m not even fully past the first bout of PPD, and I still want another. Determined to avoid it next time.
Sounds like you’re ready 😉
Comment by MamaRobinJ— 03/28/2011 #
Not so much ready as bracing myself. 🙂 I admire your courage — it took me a LONG time after recovering from PPD to acknowledge that I wanted another child. Thanks for stopping by — glad to “meet” you!
Comment by Suzanne— 03/28/2011 #
You can do this momma. I know you can. We are all here for you. Look at how happy Small Fry is…she has that smile because you love her to the moon and beyond…you can do this.
Comment by Kimberly— 03/28/2011 #
You are so right! This little online community has sustained me in more ways than I can say … and baby isn’t even here yet. Thank you.
Comment by Suzanne— 03/28/2011 #
We can’t describe how touched we are by your post today. What an inspiration of faith and courage you are to us and many others. We love you!
Comment by Mom and Dad— 03/28/2011 #
So awesome San…this post, your daughter, you! Small Fry will be a great daily reminder of what a great Mom you already are. Between her, Marc, and all of us…you’ll have a LOUD cheering section! Love you.
Comment by Laura— 03/28/2011 #
What are you feeding Small Fry?! She is Big Fry!! OhmyGod, she looks like a little lady/big girl now. She is going to pull the big-sister “job” off like a rockstar. Love her!
Comment by andrea— 03/31/2011 #