Universal truth

12/27/2009 at 8:56 pm | Posted in Motherhood | 4 Comments
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How is it that motherhood can be equally frustrating and rewarding? Mind-numbing and exhilarating at the EXACT same time?

Nothing else in my life supplies both ends of the spectrum so fluidly. It must be a survival mechanism. Just when I feel like I’m going to pull out every hair on my head, Small Fry smiles and tells me she loves me or flings herself around my legs in a big hug. Without fail, her sweet words or hilarity stop me in my tracks. Frustration and anger evaporate. Just like that.

Until, of course, she throws a tantrum ten minutes later.

It’s a perpetual give-and-take. My moods swing harder now than when I was pregnant. And they seem more palpable. As if I could jump out of my skin (bad) or that my heart might explode (good).

Where’s all this coming from?  I’m not drunk (although a glass of wine is in my near future). Just loopy with the sleep-deprivation, fear and self-doubt that come with having a sick child. What we thought was a simple cold could be just that. But Small Fry continues to cough. And she’s having a hard time sleeping. M and I sprinted a relay last night, moving her from crib to bed to crib until finally, at 3 a.m., she settled down.

Thank God this morning that my mother- and sister-in-law took care of Small Fry when she woke. Because I could hardly move. Sleeping those three extra hours (in a row) was heaven.

We head home tomorrow and straight to the pediatrician’s office, where he’ll probably tell me that it’s just a cold and all this worry was for naught. Which likely will make me want to crawl into a corner and cry.

Until the universe intervenes and Small Fry says or does something irresistably tender.

Give and take, right?

(We had an awesome Christmas. Once this fog lifts, I’ll collect myself and tell you all about it. And post about a million photos. Hope yours was wonderful, too!)



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  1. Hang in there! I’m right there with you on the sleep deprivation scale. Both kids and the husband are sick and they all went to the doctor yesterday for medicine. We’ll all sleep again soon…I hope!

  2. We are in the same boat here. Bug has had several colds since September and now this nagging cough which wakes her throughout the night and the only thing that settles her is an all night nursing fest. I am so tired I want to cry all the time. On the flip side, she is really becoming a toddler and when she is not having a tantrum she is so hilarious and cute and smart that it takes my breath away and fills me with joy.

  3. Hey babe! Thanks for the shout out!!! I’m just glad we could help! I hope the drive home was uneventful and the doc tells you she’s on the mend. Like Small Fry says, ‘It’s OK!’

    Love you all!


  4. So nice to hear from y’all. We took Small Fry to the doctor, and he says it’s a sinus infection. Starting antibiotics tonight. I feel like shit for waiting to take her in, but he said if we’d gone any sooner, he’d have sent us home. Because the cough has persisted for a week, that’s a sign of something worse, he said. So, maybe not such a crappy mom after all. 🙂 Baby’s nestled on the couch right now watching Jack, so all is well.

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