Mother’s Rock! Day

05/08/2010 at 10:32 am | Posted in Belly to Butterfly, PPD | 3 Comments

(This is part of Belly to Butterfly, by my sis Laura. Also: I’m crying as I post this. In a good way.)

I thought Mother’s Day would be the perfect time to write about Suzanne…her ppd and all that it’s meant to me.

San, my nickname for Suzanne, loved being pregnant. Loved it. She didn’t want it to end when her 9 months was up, unlike me who did nightly squats in hopes gravity would end my misery.

She watched close friends go first, became a godmother, sent cute gifts and was first in line to hold the little tykes. You just knew she’d be an awesome mom when it was her turn.

San and I had a running joke for a while about her being my second mom. A few years I even gave her Mother’s Day gifts to emphasize the point. She always worried about me…did I lock the door, did I get home safely, is so-and-so being nice to me, etc. It used to get on my nerves but I also secretly appreciated her loving concern.

We were like most sisters…I was a brat, she was a nag…but then we grew up and now I treasure our relationship more than words can say. We manage to know what each other needs without having to say it.  We can be completely ourselves…the very definition of unconditional love. We even celebrate Valentine’s Day together…C & I don’t celebrate it, but my sister and I do. I’m in touch with her practically every day and yet I still check into this blog multiple times a day just to see if she’s posted something new.  To put it simply, I’ve known San for 32 years and I can’t get enough of her.

I didn’t know right away that something was wrong. She was crying a lot but I thought it was just the stress of motherhood. San was the first really close person to me to have a baby so I didn’t know better. There were times where she was really frantic because she didn’t think Small Fry was getting enough through breastfeeding. I remember the night I had to force her to go to the grocery store to buy formula. There was the time I was holding Small Fry who was crying, San’s crying, our mom’s trying to talk to her and I’m sitting there totally helpless. There were conversations with San where she’d tell me she doesn’t have ppd “it’s the just the hormones” or nursing frustrations or something else. I’m embarrassed to say that even then I didn’t realize what was going on. She hardly left the house, couldn’t sleep even when I came over to watch S.F. so she could nap, and the smallest thing set her off.

Finally, finally through the help of her amazing pediatrician and nurses she realized she was, in fact, dealing with ppd.  We sat at her kitchen table and she told me.  I felt so relieved…now we can fix this, I thought…as if it were that easy.

I’ve learned a lot since and have grown more and more proud of my big sis by the day.  She started P. Swell, facilitates a ppd group once a month, is constantly reaching out to new moms (including yours truly) and helps bring awareness to the issue.  Some people when they’re faced with a life-altering challenge like ppd turn inwards and freeze up…or become bitter and wonder, “Why me? It’s not fair.” My incredible sister did the opposite.

Yes, she hit a bump in the road, a big one but has since become that remarkable mom we all knew she’d be. Even better, she’s allowed that bump to be a catalyst for amazing growth and positivity in her life.  She’s my hero…my role model…my heart.  Mother’s Day is no longer a laughing matter…it’s a tribute day to breathtakingly incredible women like my big sis.

Cheers to moms everywhere!



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  1. What a sweet, sweet post. You obviously adore your sis and I’m so proud that she speaks about PPD. I’m sure she’s helped more new moms than she realizes! Suzanne, you’re awesome!

  2. This is so amazing. It made me cry. Suzanne is lucky to have such a great sister. Happy mother’s day to you two!

  3. What a touching reflection by a remarkable woman about an equally remarkable woman. I love you both so much. I am grateful and proud beyond words that you are my daughters. I love you!

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