36 weeks: confessions of a woman ready to pop

04/20/2011 at 10:49 am | Posted in baby sunshine, pregnancy | 12 Comments
Tags: , , ,

mother and daughter

You guys. We’re in the home stretch.

I say “we” because I feel like you all are walking right alongside me in this journey. You’ve tolerated endless stories of how sick I’ve been since the moment I saw the plus sign on the stick. You’ve encouraged me through self-doubt posts. And cheered along with me in my “I can beat PPD again” posts.

Thank you for all of your support and kindness. And thanks for sticking around.

I’m technically full-term in just a few days. HOLY CRAP.

Besides a delightful stomach bug that leveled me, I’ve felt nothing different than the status quo of the past 36 weeks: queasy, dizzy, craving fried chicken. At last check, my cervix is thinning but has not started to dilate. For that information, you’re welcome.

And my brain? Is so full of stuff swimming around in every which direction I can hardly see straight. Thoughts of naming my child and vacuuming my house keep me up at night. Every night.

So (lucky you) it’s confession time. Because if I can’t blog about it, I might just explode.

Here they are:

– I packed my hospital bag. Just in case.
– I cried nonstop during an entire hour of Oprah.
– I’m starting to feel guilty over taking away Small Fry’s “only” status. Is she going to pull away from me? Hate me?
– Also, I’m going to miss our little threesome.
– How is it possible to love another child as much as I love Small Fry? I can’t wrap my brain around this one. But I’m confident that my heart will expand and surprise me.
– The nursery is still a pile of boxes and bags awaiting the yard sale. But there are diapers, clean clothes and a place for baby to sleep. So it’ll be okay. Tell me it’ll be okay.
– I’m sooooooo DONE with feeling sick.
– I can’t get enough fruit and orange juice and popsicles. Anything ice-cold, really.
– I had my first baby dream: it was a BOY with blonde hair and pink eyes. Weird.
– I can only sleep on my left side.
– I can’t remember the last time I shaved my legs. (Sorry, Marc.)
– I’m afraid of labor. I’ve done this before, but dang, it sure did hurt.
– But I’m also more excited than I ever imagined I’d feel.
– I cannot wait to meet this baby.

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12 Comments »

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  1. Might as well just say ditto…because, well, you know why! 😉

    xoxo
    A

  2. I am so excited to meet your baby. I am already on “baby watch” and if you don’t appear on twitter for a while I start to wonder if you are in labor. I have so many of the same fears you do. If there is anything I can do to help at any point in time, don’t hesitate to ask!!

    • Thanks, Ann! You’re too kind. I promise to send out word when we go into labor. I won’t be live-tweeting the birth or anything crazy like that, but you’ll know that I’m in the hospital, for sure. 🙂

  3. Don’t worry that you won’t love the new baby as much as Small Fry. The heart expands beyond belief to make this baby extra special because…. it is a baby boy, or the new baby sister who will be friends forever with her big sister ( once Small Fry realizes that she can’t send back the new baby of course). You will do fine- try to only worry about the important things, not the what ifs that will never happen. 🙂

  4. Yep thanks for the update on your membranes. :oP

    I said a bad word in the delivery room when they ran out of lime popcicles. Then cried for 10 minutes because the nurse said “honey you were the one who ate them all”.

    And on spreading the love. Keep worrying. It’s your right and duty to freak out until you forget what life was like without your newest family member which will be like the first time you hold him/her.

  5. I had that same list of fears, but you will be amazed. I always say that my oldest (Olivia) made me a mom, but my youngest (Sophia) helped to center me in a way I never realized was possible, and if you will, she made me a calmer, BETTER mother. Now? I can’t imagine my life without one of the other.

    I didn’t find out the sex of either of my babies, and I too had a dream about having a baby w/ blonde hair, but blue eyes and brown skin. Everyone was mad at me b/c while the baby looked JUST LIKE his daddy, the brown skin made them call me a cheater. I was traumatized 😉

    I’m sending you all my well wishes and happy thoughts, all will be well!

  6. I may have missed it somewhere, but I’d love to know more about why you decided not to find out the gender. Did you find out in advance with Small Fry?

    Good luck in these next few weeks!

    • I’m a total type-A planner (control freak), so we found out Small Fry’s sex in advance of her birth. There was no way I could have held out! But, this time around, Marc wanted to be surprised. And after thinking about it, I realized it would be fun. (Also: we have most everything we need, in terms of gear and clothes, so I’ve been able to prepare without knowing baby’s sex). But I will confess: it’s been awfully tempting to ask the doc at each check-up. 🙂

  7. First of all, I didn’t realize there were popsicles at the hospital…totally taking advantage of that one next time…wonder if I can score one when I visit you.

    Secondly, you’re going to be an awesome mama times 2!

    Deep breaths, shoulder rolls and lots of chocolate and chick flicks are my “doctor’s” orders for you. And you have to invite me along for the last two.

  8. I keep having the same “keep me up at night thoughts” but then I remember in the beginning the kid just needed something to eat, some sort of onesie on, a place to lay down and lots of hugs and kisses. Surely you have all of that so you’re golden. 🙂

  9. Oh sweetie. The list you made sounds vaguely familiar. At the time my fears and thoughts seemed valid. I can tell you now, as we come upon the little baby who I was so scared to have’s 1st birthday, everything I thought was so silly. I know that now.

    The instant I saw my son born into this world I was in love. Love at first sight. Has it been challenging? Of course. But we are blessed to be so challenged with two beautiful little beings. Brigham was the best surprise of my entire life. I wouldn’t change a thing. And neither will you. I promise.

  10. this makes me smile. so soon!


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