Twinflowers' memorial

09/26/2011 at 11:41 am | Posted in Love to Zaria | 7 Comments
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I’ve been struggling to find the right words to describe the memorial Saturday for Abigail and Zaria.

Beautiful. Warm. Peaceful. Painful. Cathartic.

In the middle of the damp woods, at dusk, with a fire blazing, under a cozy shelter. Food, family, friends, kids running and squealing through the trees. Engulfing hugs from Hope and Luke that brought tears to my eyes. Hearing their words, seeing the pain etched into their faces. Squeezing Lily every chance I got.

The most striking part of the memorial was seeing and touching the teeny-tiny baby things. Zaria’s entire diaper fit inside the palm of my hand. Her blood pressure cuff was just big enough to wrap around a couple of my fingers. Her teensy hat, smaller than some of those that belong to Lily’s baby dolls, was big on her head, Hope said. And the footprints. They were most heart-breaking.

I’m so afraid that sharing these feelings is going to somehow hurt my friends, or make them angry. The grief they carry in their hearts is impossible to imagine. And my sadness almost feels selfish.

At the end of the ceremony, we all walked a knotty, muddy path down to the river. Hope, Luke and their children climbed out onto the wet rocks and gently placed beautiful little boats — pieces of tree bark adorned with flowers, baby’s breath, leaves — into the current.

I watched as they floated downstream, punctuating the dark river water with little bursts of red, orange, yellow, white. A living memorial. A blessing.

Love to Abigail and Zaria.



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  1. Oh my. This sounds so beautiful, yet brings stinging tears to my eyes for those poor little angel babies again. Thank you for sharing about the day, and I hope your friends are doing ok.

  2. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think of Hope. Sending prayers to all of them.

    • Thanks, mama. You’ve been such a wonderful support.

  3. Not angry at you a bit Suzanne. And your presence at the Memorial was a strength. Your posts are helpful in our grieving process along with the comments of your readers. I really do appreciate getting the opportunity to feel and think and reflect upon the girls’ lives, whether I cry or laugh or get really angry.
    Living is so hard right now and I am so very sad. Since the Memorial thoughts of what part of my pregnancy would have been happening at this moment come to mind a lot. Laying in bed at night I so miss my pregnant belly. I have started realizing that Thanksgiving is just around the corner and this was the time they would probably have been born. Sigh, Love to you and giving thanks to all the kind supporters.

  4. What a difficult but necessary day. I wish the parents and the siblings of these angels peace.

    • Thanks, Molly. I really appreciate your support throughout this whole thing.

  5. You did a beautiful job on recapping the memorial. I have a friend who sadly lost her baby before his 1st birthday, and I remember feeling all of those same emotions at his memorial. Sending strength and prayers to your friends.

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