Confession10/25/2011 at 4:01 pm | Posted in baby sunshine, Motherhood | 10 Comments
Tags: baby, free writing, midnight feeding, The Extraordinary Ordinary
My eyes pop open. Stomach lurches. There it is again. Her little squawk piercing the night’s stillness.
Three in the morning.
Is she sick? Hot? Cold? Heaven forbid, awake for the day?
I dig out from under the covers, heave myself upright. Two feet find the carpet. Eyes adjust.
Trip down the stairs and whip up a bottle half-asleep, in the sliver of brightness that the stove light affords. My hip catches the corner of the kitchen counter. Like always.
I trod back up the stairs, wondering … should I feed her? Should I just rock her? Should we let her cry? Grumbling. Pissed. So desperate for a good night of sleep. Wondering, will such a thing ever exist again?
Fumble with the stupid gate. Catch my finger in it. Like always. Grumble some more.
I swing open the nursery door. Her scent washes over me: vanilla and diaper cream and baby pee and that indescribable Sophie-ness. I lift her out of the crib, enveloped in her sweet warmth. Little hands find my face, grab my hair. Her smile, even in the darkness, cuts right through me.
Here is my confession: I secretly love our middle-of-the-night dates.
I never want to let her go.