10/25/2011 at 4:01 pm | Posted in baby sunshine, Motherhood | 10 Comments
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My eyes pop open. Stomach lurches. There it is again. Her little squawk piercing the night’s stillness.

Three in the morning.

Is she sick? Hot? Cold? Heaven forbid, awake for the day?

I dig out from under the covers, heave myself upright. Two feet find the carpet. Eyes adjust.

Trip down the stairs and whip up a bottle half-asleep, in the sliver of brightness that the stove light affords. My hip catches the corner of the kitchen counter. Like always.

I trod back up the stairs, wondering … should I feed her? Should I just rock her? Should we let her cry? Grumbling. Pissed. So desperate for a good night of sleep. Wondering, will such a thing ever exist again?

Fumble with the stupid gate. Catch my finger in it. Like always. Grumble some more.

And then.

I swing open the nursery door. Her scent washes over me: vanilla and diaper cream and baby pee and that indescribable Sophie-ness. I lift her out of the crib, enveloped in her sweet warmth. Little hands find my face, grab my hair. Her smile, even in the darkness, cuts right through me.

Here is my confession: I secretly love our middle-of-the-night dates.

I never want to let her go.


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  1. This is awesome. And I love mine with D, too. Shhh…. 😉

  2. I LOVE this post!!!!!! We are trying to have a baby and I cannot wait for these moments!! I’m sure I’ll crave full nights of sleep etc, but still I cannot wait!!!

    • Thank you so much for stopping by! And best of luck!! Having children is the best thing I’ve done with my life.

  3. oh yeah found you on EO’s just write!!!!!

  4. Although I haven’t had any middle of the night dates in several weeks now, I can see how you can secretly love them. These munchkins are absolutely captivating!

  5. i remember feeling the exact same things. banging into the same counter corners, wondering if it was time to stop offering a bottle in the middle of the night. your words are so vivid.
    hang onto those moments. sleep is such a craved thing. but i miss those middle of the nights cuddle sessions too.

    • You are so right! We’ll get sleep soon enough. But, getting to hold this sweet baby won’t last forever. Thanks for the reminder to keep things in perspective.

  6. I just love this like crazy.

    ME TOO. I love my Elsie dates with her smells and smiles and even though I’m ANGRY at the clock, I’m just so freaking in love with her.


  7. I think babies know just how to smile just right for us, especially in the middle of the night. I love cuddling with Jake knowing he won’t be a baby forever. And then you crawl back into bed and finally fall asleep and the alarm goes off. What?! I have to get up and go to work 😦

  8. Yes. I secretly don’t mind when the baby (okay, he is 1 1/2 so he’s more toddler now but I am not ready to stop babying him) wakes up an hour before my alarm and I have to cuddle and fall asleep with him on the couch.

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