12/02/2011 at 8:52 am | Posted in weight loss | 21 Comments
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The scale has become my worst enemy.

It confuses me, angers me, and mostly just makes me want to hurl it out a window.

I actually lost weight over Thanksgiving. Four pounds down by Sunday. And then, after a week of careful eating, moderate activity and generally healthy habits, those four pounds came right back. How? Why?

This might sound like a cop-out, but I’ve been reading a lot online about the effect of my PPD anti-depressant on weight gain. Turns out that many, many people experience significant weight gain on this particular medication, and some studies have shown that it slows metabolism and increases appetite. Great.

So, my dilemma: skinny and anxious or fat and happy?

I thought that cutting my dose in half would make a difference. I’ve been meaning to taper back down, now that I’m six months postpartum and feeling so good. It’s too soon to tell if this will change anything (in my mental health or otherwise).

And of course, I need to exercise. There is no excuse.

Oh, but there are excuses.

I just can’t justify getting up any earlier in the morning. Sophie is still waking every night, and the sleep deprivation is crushing. And in the evenings, there is no break in the pick-up-make-dinner-baths-books-bed routine. So that leaves my lunch hours. My precious lunch hours. The only time of the week that is exclusively for me. I don’t have to be a mommy or a wife or an employee. I get to call the shots. My favorite thing to do is sit with my book over a salad that I didn’t prepare.

I treasure those breaks, and I’m not ready to give them up.

But, without a way to exercise while I’m home with the kids (until we purchase a double stroller), this is it. I need to get out and move my body at lunchtime.

My goal is to start walking. I work on a college campus, so there are lots of sidewalks and plenty of good hills. I figure I can pound out a briskΒ  half-hour, then eat lunch at my desk.

In the meantime, I’m going to give myself a break here on the blog. No more Friday Weigh-Ins until the new year. I hope by then to be able to report on weight loss, exercise and feeling good about myself.

Because I don’t. Especially after seeing photos of myself from last night’s Posy launch party.

But I just can’t handle the stress (that I created for myself, go figure) of weekly weigh-ins.

You’ll still be here in January to cheer me on, right?



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  1. My thoughts: fat & happy. For now, anyway. Sophie is still so new, and I think you should cut yourself some slack. I bet you look better than you think you do! I think the walks are a great idea. I’m trying to do that myself, and it’s hard to be motivated to get out there, especially alone & when it’s cold out. I’m trying to find the balance between loving my body & being proud of it and trying to shed a few pounds to be a healthier mom. It’s hard, though! I’m cheering you on! πŸ™‚

    • You are so right. Now is the time to enjoy my baby, not worry about my belly. This is exactly the encouragement I needed. Thank you.

  2. Definitely cut yourself some slack – fat and happy is definitely the better option! You’re a busy working Mom with young kids – you’ve got a lot on your plate right now

    I’m not even working right now and with my 2yo and 4mo I’m finding it hard to fit in workouts. We’re basically hermits right now as I’m potty-training my 2yo and my 4mo is a pretty high-maintenance kid, so I don’t like leaving her in the babysit at the gym. Anyway, I recently bought Jillian Michael’s ‘Yoga Meltdown’ and I finally took it out of the package yesterday and got a workout in while the girls napped. No weights required, just 30 minutes and it was a great workout! Maybe something like that would help you squeeze a workout into your crazy schedule. My Hubby also watches the girls while I scoot out for a class at the gym on Saturday mornings.

    Sorry to hear Sophie’s still up in the night. My 4mo is up all the time through the night – it’s driving me nuts!

    • That’s such a good idea. I used to do aerobics videos all the time. Will check out Jillian Michael’s stuff … I can find a quick 30 minutes, especially after the kids go to bed. Thank you!

  3. Forget the scale! I hated that thing for the longest time when I first started running and was gaining weight! WTF, right. I say pick a pair of pants that you want to fit into and use those as your guide. I found that my body was changing, but it wasn’t showing in the numbers on the scale. And you can gain or lose 5 pounds in water weight in one day. Yes, this is true. It’s infuriating.

    I know what you mean about not having time to exercise. I am so right there with you. I picked up the Ripped in 30 workout by Jillian Michaels. It is 20 minutes. All you need is a set of hand weights. It will kick your tail and you can do it after the kids are in bed at night. That is what I am doing. I just don’t have time to run like I did before Cole was born. Just do what you can when you can. Hang in there!

    • I never knew water weight could fluctuate like that. Ugh. Thanks for the Jillian Michaels video tip. Sounds like it’ll fit into my schedule. And I need to get my butt kicked. It’s time. πŸ™‚

  4. I think you look great! Scale can be misleading. Muscle weighs more, so if you are gaining muscle your weight may not decrease. If you want a walking buddy in the am or pm, lemme know. N.

    • Thanks, Natalia! I’ll come knocking the next time I venture out for a walk. πŸ™‚

  5. The holiday season is the worst time to try to focus on this stuff. You should be enjoying it to the fullest. You can still make good decisions without going off the deep end. There are no pressures on this blog other than to post really cute photos of the girls! We love you and support you always! πŸ˜›

    • True that. How can I diet when there are cookie balls in my fridge? Thank you for your support, friend.

  6. I kinda of thought you were crazy for doing this during the holidays anyway. Just maintaining and not gaining weight during this time is a big accomplishment! Enjoy your beautiful family and trust me, we’ll ALL be back here in the same boat in January, cheering each other along!

    • Crazy? YES. Thanks so much for your encouragement. Now is the time to focus on my family, not my pudge. πŸ™‚

  7. gah. i wrote a huge 2 paragraph response and its gone.

    So, in short, it went something like this:
    Skinny people are crazy. Or they have great metabolisms and in exchange probably really bad skin or no social skills.

    And then I went on to say this:
    Cut yourself some slack. We don’t own a scale because, like a watch, it drives me crazy to be constantly monitoring. Instead I’ve decided that during the holidays (what with giant meals, cookie swaps, and PIE. oh the pie!) I will try not to over indulge. If I do? then the next day I’ll make sure to up my veggie intake or have a salad.
    I know a super skinny person (who constantly monitors herself, but has decent advice) who told me it’s not about what you eat in a day, but rather the week and month focus. If you have a crazy sweet filled and fried food yummy day, then make sure over the course of the week you have a day to balance that out. And if you look back on your month and have 4 to 5 “bad” days, at least you have about 26 decent ones to make you realize you’re not going overboard.
    So take in the big picture and cut yourself some slack. We only have one life, so what makes you happiest? The way you perceive your body image or the quality of your day?
    maybe now is not time for the skinnies, but rather time for the girls and allow your heart to swell with joy?
    pretty swell πŸ˜‰

    • You are so good. And I totally agree, moderation is king. I love these words: “We only have one life, so what makes you happiest?” Will keep them in the front of my thoughts. Thank you.

  8. You absolutely have to do what will make you the happiest in the least stressed right now. The holiday season is such a tough time to think about weight loss. I will most definitely be here in January to cheer you on. Until then just focus on not going overboard. Maintaining is a success all in its own!

    • Amen, sister! Thank you for your encouragement. Maintaining IS success. Will try not to forget that. πŸ™‚

  9. hang in there, lady. i know exactly what you’re going through. i gained weight on the meds as well and faced the um, not fitting in my jeans vs. being a crazy anxious person dilemma. ugh.

    i agree with all the above, give yourself a break. sophie is only 6 months, be moderate but happy over the holidays. focus on how unbelievably awesome you are in so many ways – wife, mama, blogger, posy-co-owner (holler!), employee, etc. for what it’s work, i think you’re a fabulous and beautiful person who is totally kicking ass. the walks, and weigh-loss, and time management to allow it (hah!) will all come in time.

    thanks, as always, for sharing with us, and know we’re all behind you. that unwavering courage to share, i think, is your greatest strength. πŸ™‚

    • Wow. Thanks so much, Merranie. I often worry that I over-share in this space … it’s a relief to hear that it might not be as cringe-inducing as I fear. πŸ™‚

  10. Don’t beat yourself up, Suzanne, the holidays are really tough! You are wonderful and amazing! I have never owned a scale because they make me obsessive, so you rule for just doing that step. The ladies above have all given great suggestions and advice and mine is that you should think about getting an in home exercise machine of some kind. That way you can do it after the girls go to bed in front of the TV (or a workout video as was mentioned). You are going to watch TV anyway, why not have a stroll while doing it? It seems like play it again sports always has a bunch for cheap…

    • That is such a good idea! I used to hop on the aerobics step and just walk it out during my TV shows. Of course I sold that in a yard sale after I had Lily. πŸ™‚ A treadmill would be awesome. Will check out Play it Again … thanks for the tip, lady!

  11. that first year with a baby is so demanding…give yourself a break!

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