Secret mommy behavior12/14/2011 at 9:38 am | Posted in baby sunshine | 7 Comments
Tags: baby, free writing, Motherhood, sleeping baby, The Extraordinary Ordinary
The side of her face is pressed to the mattress, her butt in the air.
Breathing deeply, in and out. In and out.
The blue glow from my phone casts just enough light for me to see little cheeks, eyes, lips. I kiss her head. Stroke her back. Hoping (but not really) to wake her. So I can scoop her out of the crib and relax under the weight of her little body on my chest.
Holding her is one of the very few remedies to the anxiety growing inside me. It has fangs and claws now. Full-on monster anxiety. Back for a Christmas visit, I guess.
She stirs as I stare. My psycho mommy laser beams have succeeded.
I slide my hands under her little back, lift her to me and bury my nose in that heavenly place where her neck meets her shoulders. She is warmth, sweetness, milk breath.
We sit and rock.