Confessions

04/18/2012 at 1:00 pm | Posted in me | 12 Comments

I’ve been feeling a little off lately. So it’s time for a brain-dump.

Lucky you.

Here goes …

I’m sad that I’m not going to have another baby. I know our family is complete, and that brings me immense joy and a wonderful sense of peace. But every time I get my period, it feels like an ugly little reminder that my body won’t carry another child. I hope this feeling goes away soon.

I have dreams about cupcakes. And pizza. True story.

I also have crazy, terrifying apocalyptic dreams from which I wake up and have to orient myself to reality. And most recently, I dreamed that I’d joined the military and had a nervous breakdown during boot camp. Where is this stuff coming from?

As only I could do, I’ve managed to totally stress myself out about running. Pace, distance, times, races. It’s too much. So I’m trying to stop the silliness and just exercise the way I like to do it … by walking up a storm and running here and there if I feel like it. I also busted out an old-school aerobics step, and I can already tell a difference in my butt. (Butt butt butt. You’re welcome, spammers.)

Will I ever feel like I haven’t bitten off more than I can chew? You know, in life?

I can’t stop buying trash magazines. US Weekly, People, you name it. But every time I finish one, I feel yucky. Really must stop buying these.

My new standard for cleanliness in our house is “clean enough.” We’ve hit all new levels of sticky — especially in the kitchen — and I just can’t seem to keep up.

I also dream about cheeseburgers.

What’s on your mind?

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12 Comments »

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  1. Great post! I can totally relate to some of these –especially the weird dreams and the “clean enough” attitude. Give yourself a break πŸ™‚ Oh –and as far as running…don’t know if this will help, but I used to challenge myself to run for a certain amount of time –that’s it –No pace involved whatsoever. My goal was to just not stop after 5 min, 10 min, 20 min, etc. I would go at a snails pace but I loved the accomplishment of building myself up to 40 minutes. I would just use songs in my ipod to increase my time. (make sure to run through this Black Eyed Peas song and you’d make your 15 minutes…) That’s how I “trained” for my first bridge run πŸ™‚ Have a great week!!

    • That is such a good idea! Thanks for the tip. I just got one of those arm band thingies for my iphone so I’ll finally have music on my runs. I think it’ll help. And I love your idea of making it through certain songs. Much more realistic than what I’ve been trying to do. πŸ™‚

  2. I have had a subscription to Us Weekly for the last few years. I go through periods where I feel gross but my husband has pointed out many times that I read it cover to cover when it shows up on Thursdays and it brings me happiness. I also get movie and TV recommendations from it.

    As for me, pretty much 95% of my brain capacity has been daydreaming about owning a beach house after we went to the beach this past weekend.

    • Oh I am right there with you! My dream is to live at the beach someday. Might be more like a trailer on the waterway, but I’ll take it. πŸ™‚

  3. I’ve abandoned all goals of having a clean house. Just don’t have time or energy for it. It’s definitely not clean enough for me, but if I spent time cleaning I would miss out on quality time with my daughter. David has more energy to clean than I do, that’s our only saving grace. I also think it’s healthy to have vivid dreams. Helps to work out things in your subconscious.

    • You’re so right. Thanks for the encouragement. My grandmother actually has a cross-stitched pillow that says, “A clean house is a sign of a life misspent.” I try to keep that in mind whenever I stress about the state of my kitchen. πŸ™‚

  4. I think there’s always that piece of you that wishes you had one more sweet bundle of joy. They’re each so unique and special and cuddly and wonderful and the list goes on. But there will come a day in the not too distant future when people tell you they’re pregnant and you think thank goodness that’s not me. And when you hear the stories about no sleep and poopy diapers and etc. and you know it’s a good thing you’re not in that mix. I promise :).

    • Thanks, Karen. I needed to hear that. πŸ™‚

  5. I totally relate to the baby bit – it makes me sad to think i’m not having any more too, even though my 2 girls are enough for me…when my youngest achieves more and more milestones, i am so proud but also want to freeze time!

    And the clean thing – yup, i’m there too!

    I mentioned you in a post…http://twolittletwinklingstars.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/happiness-is-lilys-style.html

    Thank you for the inspiration again! x

  6. Give yourself a break πŸ™‚ Oh –and as far as running…don’t know if this will help, but I used to challenge myself to run for a certain amount of time. Thanks for letting me visit your site.

  7. I have been having the same thoughts about not having any more kids. We are sure our family is complete, but there was still this nagging voice in the back of my head about not having another newborn to hold and those type of thoughts. And then we went away for the weekend with the kids….and I was positive that 2 kids were good for us. Babies and hotels just don’t mix well πŸ™‚ and we want to keep travelling.

    • Maybe that’s what we need to do, then? Take a vacation. Sounds good to me. πŸ™‚


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