Because a switch flipped

12/20/2012 at 11:47 am | Posted in me | 28 Comments

This will be the last post I write for Pretty Swell.

I know this seems totally out of the blue, but it’s been weighing on my heart for a long time.

This website, as much as I love it, takes me away from my family. I spend A LOT of time writing, taking and editing photos, playing with the design and messing with the code. Not to mention promoting it through social media, which has always made me feel icky.

I’ve never been entirely comfortable sharing the intimate details of our life, and I’ve fallen into the trap of approaching my time with my girls as tweet-able and instagram-able and blog-able moments instead of just living in the moments as they are. I can’t do a craft project with Lily without grabbing my camera for a DIY post. Or push Sophie in the stroller without snapping a photo for Instagram. This is not the kind of mother — the kind of person — I want to be.

In an ideal world, I’d blog in the mornings before work or late at night when they’re sleeping. But *I* need to sleep. And as much as it pains me to write this, the truth is that I am often on my computer or iPhone trying to maintain this site and stay connected to my online community while I’m with my kids. And that sucks.

I love my real life. I want to give it the attention it deserves.

Because it could all be gone in a second.

Also, being a mommy blogger stresses me out. I just can’t keep up. I’m not happy when I blog, and more often than not, reading other blogs makes me feel bad about myself. Comparison is the thief of joy, and it’s almost impossible for me not to fall into that trap.

I’ve been so incredibly blessed to meet some amazing people — many of whom have become close friends — and work with wonderful companies whose products and missions I believe in, like North American Bear Company and Smart Balance and all the businesses who rallied for our Love to Zaria fundraiser. I also am forever grateful to have joined a kick-ass community of postpartum depression survivors, led by the ultimate warrior mom, Katherine Stone.

And I have the most awesome readers in all of the internet. You guys have lifted me up, cried with me and laughed out loud. You’ve also been incredibly patient with my ramblings and my monster photo posts. THANK YOU for everything.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen next.

I really need the creative outlet that this lovely little space provided, so I want to find a way to make that happen.

Just differently.

::::::::::::

“Everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time
for the important things in her life.”
{Brian Andreas, Story People}